[TEXT: Melissa A. Fabello; Philadelphia, PA, USA]

Today, we’re talking about pornography. Wait—don’t go! I know what you’re thinking. “A feminist. Talking about pornography.” But I promise that this isn’t going to be an anti-porn rant. You know what else it isn’t going to be? A video about how pornography is ruining our lives by affecting how men treat women (in and outside of the bedroom). And although the mainstreaming and [say confused] hardcore-i-ni-zation

[TEXT: Hardcore-inization: n. the increasing popularity and normalization of hardcore pornography; The Melissa A. Fabello Dictionary]

of pornography and their effect on culture and customs is a totally legitimate concern, there is so much research already done on the subject that having one more video on it is really just superfluous. If you want to get a nice, healthy dose of anti-porn theory, try Pamela Paul’s book Pornified: How Pornography is Damaging Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families. No, seriously. That wasn’t a joke. It’s a good book and a great resource (albeit anger-inciting), as long as you take it with a grain of salt. But hey! If you’ve been watching my videos, then by now, you should be taking all media with a grain of salt. [Whisper] Watch your sodium. What today’s video is going to be about is the lies that pornography tells you about what sex is like and how that can be really damaging to men.

[TEXT: Melissa for MissRepresentation. Men & the Media: Sex and Pornography]

Okay. Let’s talk about some logistics here, since we have to get on the same proverbial page before you’re even going to consider listening to me. First of all, it’s important that we agree that, by and large, porn is made by men, for men.

[TEXT: 97% of decision-making clout positions in the media are held by men (Pugh Yi & Dearfield, 2012). Men account for two-thirds of users of sexually explicit websites (Cooper, Scherer, Boies, & Gordon, 1999)]

While obviously there is porn made by women, and obviously plenty of women watch porn, just like most media, the porn industry is owned by and run by men, producing products for a male audience. We also need to agree that pornography is not the devil, and that the use of pornography will not automatically turn you into an addict with no soul or grip on reality. In fact, only 8% of people using the Internet for sexual reasons reported significant problems typically associated with compulsive disorders (Cooper, Scherer, Boies, & Gordon, 1999). It’s important to note here that porn itself is not the problem; rather, it’s the lack of media literacy that we use to view pornography that causes strife. It’s our unwillingness to suspend our disbelief. Kimmel (2008) writes that, in reference to some brands of pornography, “none of the guys [he] spoke with thought these were staged events; instead, they saw them as documentaries, as reasonable depictions of reality” (p. 176). Um… When we watch a horror movie, we understand that it’s not real blood. When we watch an action movie, we understand that they’re not real explosions. When we watch Jurassic Park, we understand that they’re not real dinosaurs. But when we watch porn, we have a hard time remembering that it’s Not. Real. Sex. So it’s easy for us to get confused! And when you take into consideration that some people “perceive [pornography] as a reliable source” for sex education (Löfgren-Mårtenson & Månsson, 2010), we run into some problems. Because [hands] porn and sex? Aren’t always similar. So let tell you my four favorite

[TEXT: Read: Least favorite] lies that pornography tells you, bust those myths, and then explain how they really [bleep] fuck with guys’ heads.
[TEXT: Lies that Pornography Tells (That You Should Stop Listening To – NOW)]

Four things that pornography tries to convince you of that is completely not at all the truth. Myth number one. [Black and white] The average penis is, like, at least eight inches long. [Color] Um, no. Furthermore, no thanks. Ow. Actually, according to the Kinsey Institute (2012), the average penis is [use measuring tape] 1-4 inches flaccid, and 5-6 inches erect, and a “study of 300 men…returned a mean penis circumference of…approximately 4.8 inches.” Chalk this porn myth up to misrepresentation. Just like you shouldn’t compare your face to that of a movie star, you can’t compare your genitals to that of a porn star. They’re chosen because they have those attributes. And have you ever noticed the penis enlargement pill advertisements on porn websites? You think that’s coincidence? [Whisper] No. Just like any media industry, porn wants you to feel inadequate so that you’ll buy stuff. Myth number two. [Black and white] You should produce about a gallon of semen per ejaculation. [Color] So, as much as I like swimming… “The average volume of semen per ejaculation is [hold up a teaspoon] one teaspoon,” but that shit is effective: “Each teaspoon of semen can contain about 200 to 500 million sperm,” averaging at about 280 million for humans (Online Schools, 2012). And, for the record, when you ejaculate, it’s not supposed to shoot across the room. “The human male ejaculates an average distance of 7 to 10 inches”

[TEXT: The world record is 18 feet, for the record.] at an average speed of 31 mph

[TEXT: Faster than the Peruvian jaguar!] (Online Schools).

In porn, they actually have semen recipes that they use to make a vast quantity of the stuff (you can look them up online if, for some odd reason, you want to make fake semen). It’s important to remember that, just like any movie, porn is directed, edited, and produced – and has its own version of special effects. Myth number three. [Black and white] It takes a guy an hour or more to reach orgasm. [Color] Uh, I repeat: ow? In actuality, the “average guy lasts somewhere between three and eight minutes during intercourse,” and if you last thirty minutes or more during constant thrusting, some researchers suggest that you have what’s called “delayed ejaculation” (Joannides, 2011).

[TEXT: It’s considered premature ejaculation if it happens in a minute or less (Joannides, 2011).]

Porn is shot in takes, just like any movie. When they splice it together during production, it’s easy to make it look like one continuous activity with the guy not reaching orgasm until the end. But again: it’s fake. If you don’t last an hour, [whisper] that’s probably a good thing. And last, but certainly not least, myth number four. [Black and white] Women love penetration! [Color] [Look around] No. I’m sorry. It’s just not true. That’s not to say that women don’t like penetration or that some women can’t get off from intercourse, but by and large, that’s a lie that pornography has sold you. In reality, 70-80% of women cannot orgasm from penetration alone (Joannides, 2011). And it’s for a really simple reason: there aren’t a whole lot of nerve-endings inside of the vagina. If there were, think of how horrible childbirth would be. After about three inches into the vagina (which is where you’ll find the G-spot), nerve-endings pretty much dissipate. The clitoris, on the other hand, is totally where it’s at. It has about eight thousand nerve-endings, more than any other part of the human body (Harvey, 2002) – including the penis, which has only about four thousand (Corinna, 2012). Penis envy, what? So if you really want her to have earth-shattering orgasms, your best bet is going to be oral sex (NSSHB, 2010). See? I told you porn was lying to you.

[TEXT: Implications]

Kimmel (2008) writes, of porn: “It’s the complete reversal of real-life sex,” but “most guys are so desperate to believe it that they suspend disbelief in a way that is itself hard to believe” (p. 174). So, taking into consideration all of the lies that porn tells (and we only touched on four! don’t even get me started on lesbian porn) and the fact that people (particularly men, as the chief consumers) are buying into it, is it any wonder that “negative correlations” exist “between exposure to pornographic imagery…and levels of genital and sexual esteem” among men (Morrison, Ellis, Morrison, Bearden, & Harriman, 2006)? I mean, come on. It’s a pretty simple formula: show people nothing but idealized images, particularly in a media-saturated culture, and after enough exposure, they’ll start to believe that that’s reality. But this porn problem really sucks for guys because it ends up making them feel really inadequate when it comes to something really important: SEX. Not to mention that guys’ penises are, like, their pride and joy, the physical manifestation of their masculinity, and so if you make them feel like they’re inadequate in the bedroom, then what that leads to is them feeling like they’re less of a man. And that hurts, especially when you consider how important (warranted or not) masculinity is in our culture. And hey, women, before you roll your eyes thinking “who cares? That’s so stupid anyway,” check yourself. If you didn’t grow up male, then you can’t really comment on the validity of men’s struggles – because you haven’t experienced them.

So listen, here’s what I need you to do: HUG A BOY! Let him know that it’s okay. Share this video, check out the resources in the [point down] information, and remember, as always, that not everything that you see in the media is a reflection of real life. [Kiss]

[TEXT: Connect. Twitter @rev_melissa. Tumblr @fuckyeahmelissafabello]

CITATIONS

“Pamela Paul’s book…Our Families” (Paul, 2005)
“97% of decision-making…held by men” (Pugh Yi & Dearfield, 2012)
“Men account for…websites” (Cooper, Scherer, Boies, & Gordon, 1999)
“8% of people…compulsive disorders” (Cooper, Scherer, Boies, & Gordon, 1999)
“none of the guys…depictions of reality” (Kimmel, 2008, p. 176)
“perceive…reliable source” (Löfgren-Mårtenson & Månsson, 2010)
“the average penis is…4.8 inches” (Kinsey Institute, 2012)
“The average volume of semen…one teaspoon” (Online Schools, 2012)
“Each teaspoon of semen…200 to 500 million sperm” (Online Schools, 2012)
“averaging at about 280 million for humans” (Online Schools, 2012)
“The human male ejaculates…7 to 10 inches” (Online Schools, 2012)
“an average speed of 31 mph” (Online Schools, 2012)
“average guy lasts…minutes during intercourse” (Joannides, 2011)
“thirty minutes or more…delayed ejaculation” (Joannides, 2011)
“premature ejaculation if it happens in a minute or less” (Joannides, 2011)
“70-80% of women cannot orgasm from penetration alone” (Joannides, 2011)
“about eight thousand nerve-endings…human body” (Harvey, 2002)
“penis, which has only about four thousand” (Corinna, 2012)
“your best bet is going to be oral sex” (NSSHB, 2010)
“It’s the complete reversal…hard to believe” (Kimmel, 2008, p. 174)
“negative…esteem” (Morrison, Ellis, Morrison, Bearden, & Harriman, 2006)

REFERENCES

Cooper, A., Scherer, C., Boies, S., Gordon, B. Sexuality on the Internet: From Sexual Exploration to Pathological Expression. 1999. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice 30(2), pp. 154-164.

Corinna, H. (2012). Scarleteen. With pleasure: A view of whole sexual anatomy for every body. Retrieved from https://www.scarleteen.com/article/body/with_pleasure_a_view_of_whole_sexual_a…

Harvey, E.D. (2002). Anatomies of rapture: Clitoral politics/Medical blazons”. Signs 27(2), 315–346.

Joannides, P. (2011). The guide to getting it on. Waldport, OR: Goofy Foot Press.

Kimmel, M. (2008). Guyland: The perilous world where boys become men. New York, NY: Harper Collins.

The Kinsey Institute. (2012). Frequently asked sexuality questions: Penis size. Retrieved from https://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html#penis

Lofgren-Martenson, L. & Mansson, S.A. (2010). Lust, love, and life: A qualitative study of swedish adolescents’ perceptions and experiences with pornography. Journal of Sex Research 47(6), 568-579.

Morrison, T.G., Ellis, S.R., Morrison, M.A., Bearden, A., & Harriman, R.L. (2006). Exposure to sexually explicit material and variations in body esteem, genital attitudes, and sexual esteem among a sample of Canadian men. The Journal of Men’s Studies 14(2), 209-222.

National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB). Findings from the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, Centre for Sexual Health Promotion, Indiana University. Journal of Sexual Medicine 7(5).

Online Schools. (2012). [Infographic providing facts about semen]. The scoop on Semen. Retrieved from https://www.pixlmonster.com/thanatos/semen/

Paul, P. (2005). Pornified: How pornography is damanging our lives, our relationships, and our families. New York, NY: Holy.

Pugh Yi, R.H. & Dearfield, C.T. (2012). Women’s Media Center Report: The status of women in the U.S. media 2012. Retrieved from https://wmc.3cdn.net/a6b2dc282c824e903a_arm6b0hk8.pdf